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Thursday, April 14, 2011

My Frustration ARGH!

You know I just have to vent! I rarely vent, but I just need to write. I am so old school, I have been a Army Spouse too long. I really want to help out because there is a need for the FRG in this unit. True they aren't deploying but I think the FRG needs to be consistent year round not just when they deploy. Before 9-11 in 3-69 AR we had FRG meetings every month, and it was fun. There are lack of volunteers, and I guess that is from soldiers not wanting their spouses contacted. That I just don't understand. If you are married and have a spouse, and they are living here with you on the POST, then WHY wouldn't you want them contacted why would you have your mom being contacted by the FRG who lives across the country? Anyway I digress, I understand maybe you are getting divorced but let your commanders/1SGT know that, so they can convey it to the FRG Leader as to what list to you on. For some reason I can't wrap my brain around that. Then there is the issue of where to draw the line, personally I see my FRG as my extended family. I look at it, why shouldn't they be my extended family, especially if they are in the same squad/platoon. We are going through the SAME THINGS (deployments, field training, TDY, etc) together. However not many people in the leadership share my views on that. I understand the FRG isn't a baby sitting service or lawn moving service but if I can't call someone in my unit and get advice then why should I call them at all? What happened to the mentors? I understand that some people don't want to be contacted for anything but then let that be known, come to the meeting and say DON'T CALL ME AT ALL. I also know that soldiers aren't suppose to hang out with their direct line supervisors but really now saying that spouses can't hang out is a little much.

I also believe if you are not a people person don't volunteer for a position that requires you to be contacting people, I am a down in the weeds type person, I delegate things but I also call and check on people to make sure they are doing ok. That's just the neighborly thing to do. There are a lot of Morals and Ethics that go with it. Just like now, no one in the unit knows what is happening with me with the Army Spouse of the Year Award by Military Spouse Magazine, or my daughter's illness why? It isn't my fault no one has reached out to me to ask me WHY, no one cares what I do until it gets a NATIONAL SPOTLIGHT. Then they are all on it. You know I sit back and think, maybe it was because when we were in other units it was a Combat Arms Unit, here we are non combat and there is no Unit Cohesion what so ever, people don't care about anything, it is almost like they have no pride. You know I am proud to be a Army Wife, and I am proud to be in this unit however I just get the feeling that they don't care.

I really care about what happens to people, and no this isn't fake. I was taught that you help out your friends and neighbors. You know I take my husband's job seriously and I feel that we are a team, if he has a solider that has a young spouse and doesn't know much about the Army, I call that spouse to help them get acclimated to the Army life. You get to know them, and I didn't say make them your best friend now, but at least care. Don't get me wrong, I am all about helping spouses become self sufficient and making the best out of their situation but I don't do well with free-loaders or TOO clingy dependent spouses.

However why would I participate in a FRG where I don't feel important or they aren't offering me something that I am missing? To me FRG is about boosting the unit and family/solider morale. I can go to ACS to take a AFTB class or Employment Readiness to get information, or I can go to a Blue Star Families meeting to socialize with other spouses. So why would I want to participate in my FRG where I don't feel that welcomed? Or I feel that am bothering someone if I call them? Any thoughts? Why do you participate in your FRG, what do you expect to get out of it?

1 comment:

  1. I agree with you and our FRG is the same way. But I am the FRG leader and it is like pulling teeth to get ANYONE to help out with actual person to person contact. So we are moving to Facebook and emails just so I know they are at least being presented with information. That is even a huge task. When I talk with spouses in person the usual answer is NO WAY I never want to be a part of an FRG again. They don't have the best reputations I have found out. So that is sad but common. Many FRG Leaders fight the same problem so it is easy to miss the ones who want to be involved. And yes, until the spotlight is on you then you go unnoticed. Even then everyone forgets about you pretty quickly when it no longer benefits them. At least that is what I have seen. Sorry it is the same for you.

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